A campus’ casual stance on sex
Published: Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Updated: Monday, November 5, 2012 20:11
There are three things you’ll be asked for the first month of college over and over again until you can’t help picturing a dead horse and a bat: What’s your major? Where are you from? What dorm do you live in?
It’s guaranteed those will be the most used pick up lines you’ll hear as you stand in line for the keg or squeeze past strangers at the bar.
College is not the real world. It’s a fact that you’ve already gotten or will have to get used to. Instead of having classes with people that you’ve known since grade school, you’ll walk into your first lecture hall and stare into a sea of strangers. Instead of dating people whose life story you already basically know, you’re going to become interested in people you don’t know a thing about.
Now add sex into the equation.
Finally, you’ve reached the point in your life where you don’t have to play grab-ass in an abandoned parking lot or plan when your parents won’t be home so you can get your groove on without them unexpectedly barging in on you. If you combine a convenient location, copious amounts of alcohol, and a campus filled with sexually charged teenagers – heightened by a newfound sense of liberation – sex becomes more accessible at college than most other places.
If you’re wondering how to get laid in college, I’m going to be very straight up: it’s not difficult. All you have to do is go to a bar or a frat party, be your charming self, and wham, bam, thank you ma’am.
Casual sex is abundant at UB. All you have to do is hang out at the South Campus bus stop on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday mornings. You’ll see many people on their walks of shame. Having sex with people you don’t have feelings for isn’t a bad thing; if it’s between two consenting adults, then by all means do your thing. There are some things that you should you know, though, before you enter a casual sexual relationship or have a one-night stand.
Be safe. If there’s any question that you or your partner is too inebriated to make your own decisions, then stop what you’re doing. You want to enjoy yourself that night. Your mind might be focused on instant gratification, but never let your drunken libido at night become a regretful embarrassment the next morning.
Be upfront and honest. Don’t be that person who is going to string someone along and mess with their feelings just because you want sex. On the other hand, don’t be so naïve to think that one night of sexy passion is going to result in an amorous relationship. No matter what they say, no matter what lines they feed you, you will most likely not have a meaningful relationship – unless you consider getting text messages at 9 p.m. asking “u going out tonight?” meaningful.
Make sure there are no romantic feelings. It will just make things complicated if one person is looking for something more than a casual encounter, and even worse, it will mean that one person is taking advantage of the other.
Don’t get too personal. If you’ve ever seen the show New Girl, there’s an episode where Jess attempts to have a one-night stand, but every time she talks to a guy she finds something in common with him, connects with him, and then the chances of having sex with no strings attached becomes slim to none. Don’t be Jess.
Should you stay the night? This is a sticky question and depends on just how well you know the person you’re getting it on with. If it’s a one-night stand with a stranger, you might not want to cuddle. You got what you came for. But if you think you’ll see this person again (in another casual encounter) then they might be insulted if you leave without saying goodbye or at least leaving a note.
One night stands are all about living in the moment and about reading that moment as best you can. They can be fun and liberating, as long as you’re being safe and consensual.