Women in the workplace: a fantasy conundrum
Published: Thursday, October 18, 2012
Updated: Monday, November 5, 2012 20:11
The reality is more and more women are, in fact, playing fantasy football. This is especially true in the college environment, where women are looking to experiment with various groups of guys.
It’s not the females who scare me (although they sometimes do). It’s that men everywhere just can’t handle the influx of women. You can see it as an infiltration if you want, but the truth is: they’re here to stay.
Let’s face it: It poses some really awkward situations, especially when you have that one guy in your league who is too soft and will coddle the new girl. C’mon, this is the big leagues, little boy!
So here are some tips to help you handle the female kind.
Your team name has to go
When facing a woman, at least have the class to change your team name to something slightly less, shall we say, suggestive. Look, I know you think your name is so original and has been so lucky thus far that you can’t change it now. But when your name is something like “I want your Vick,” “Ease it in, don’t Forsett” or “Percy Magnet,” it would probably be fair to say she might not appreciate it. I know – crazy, right? I’m a big fan of classics, but a fair majority of girls wouldn’t be pleased if they see that their matchup for the week is against “Show me your TDs,” no matter how classic it may be.
Money and women
Women are not easy money. Believe me. Women will pretend to be clueless about the game and say they only have heard of the “cute quarterbacks.” Lies. They know who had the most touchdowns last year, whose core receivers are falling apart, who is still trying to learn the West Coast offense and who will be the best of the rookie class.
Don’t draft for her
Here is the biggest mistake I’ve seen when handling a woman. This goes along with the last point, but seriously, she doesn’t need help drafting. You will make the mistake of falling for those puppy-dog eyes and pass on Arian Foster so she can have him. Women don’t need an advantage.
Wrestling with women
I was a wrestler in high school; I feel your pain. There is no winning. Your friends have the right to bash you either way. The only thing worse than losing to a girl is beating one and bragging about it. If you lose, you will never hear the end of it. By winning, you’re still going to get the raunchy comments from your league like, “Man, you really gave it to her” or “you really had to come from behind there.”
Confidence ratings for Week 7
Andrew Hawkins (WR/CIN) – C.R. 7/10
Pittsburgh’s secondary has struggled lately. Even though A.J. Green is hogging all the targets, Hawkins is a pretty good option if you need to replace someone on a bye this week. There is a high-percentage change he is a free agent in your league.
Felix Jones (RB/DAL)– C.R. 7/10
Murray is out this week, and Jones has always been a decent back. Carolina’s defense is less than stingy, and Jones is always targeted on screens so in PPR leagues he’ll be solid this week.
Minnesota Defense– C.R. 9/10
Unless Arizona has some stroke of luck this week, Minnesota’s defense is not going to let up many points, and should pick off Cardinal’s back-up QB John Skelton. Arizona has been atrocious offensively.
Darrius Heyward-Bey (WR/OAK)– C.R 8/10
I like him this week. I think he’s just waiting to have a big week. Going up against Jacksonville’s defense, and playing at home, thisfirst-round draft pick out of Maryland is itching to become a star.
Anyone on the Baltimore Ravens – C.R. 1/10
Baltimore is on the road in Houston with a broken defense. Did I mention Joe Flacco is absolutely dreadful on the road? Well, he is. Ray Rice you have to play because he’s a stud, but the quarterback, receivers, tight ends, defense, kickers, and yes, even coaches and trainers should be avoided this week.
Bye-Week Teams: Falcons, Broncos, Chiefs, Dolphins, Eagles, Chargers
Eliminator/Survival Football: Minnesota over Arizona