Comme des Carson – Mend your mainstream mistakes
Published: Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Updated: Tuesday, February 5, 2013 21:02
The other day, I was walking through the CFA after my workout at Alumni and I almost killed a really cute guy. I was texting on my iPhone 5 and rushing to get some food at the café when I bumped into the ladder he was standing on while he was hanging some of his work in a display case. He fell down really hard and a few people rushed over. Everyone stared. Instead of screaming at me, he was actually really nice and laughed about what happened. He asked me why I was in such a hurry and if he could join me for lunch. We started having the best talk ever! I guess I would call myself ‘sporty’ because I love going to the gym, all of my past boyfriends have been quarterbacks and I really like watching sports on TV. This guy looks like what you might call a ‘hipster,’ which is why I thought it would be good to come to you. He’s an art major and he asked me to go on a date with him to the Albright-Knox Art Gallery and then for coffee somewhere on Elmwood Avenue. I know NOTHING about art and I don’t really seem like the type of girl he would normally ask out. What should I wear? How should I act? What should I talk about? Help!
Falling for him
If you want to win this guy over, never refer to yourself as ‘sporty’ again. Also, are you saying I’m a hipster? Because I’m not, but this boy clearly is and while I can’t condone your dating him because of that, I can tell you exactly what to do to impress him on your date. First off, remember that you go to UB. You think this kid is some genius or brilliant artist? No way. Going to state school for fine art is like eating fast food all the time. It may seem great now, but tell me how it’s going for you in four years. So while he’s not going to know much either, he’ll definitely pretend he does, which is perfect for you. Enjoy the pretty colors and say ‘Ooh!’ and ‘Ahh!’ when you see names like Dalí or Pollock. Let him do the talking. If you’re up to it, when you’re making your way through the Knox Building and you get to Picasso’s “La Toilette,” tell him that you think it’s a fantastic transitional piece between the “Blue” and “Rose” periods of Pablo’s career and that it’s clearly a double representation of the same woman, his mistress, as he sees her in private and in public. As for your dress, your eloquent description of your style has left me guessing that you’re a yoga-panted UGG creature on your worst days and maybe a jeans and fake leather boots gal the rest of the time. No matter. This boy won’t mind your lack of taste so long as you gear it toward his style. Keep the yoga pants and the boots, buy a baggy thrift store flannel and don’t wash your hair for a few days. Try to look sad … hipsters LOVE melancholy. The real test is where he takes you for coffee. If he takes you to SPoT, then you’re dealing with a serious mainstream mistake. If he goes for Caffe Aroma, then you definitely went knocking on the right ladder.