Constipated? Too embarrassed to pick up some Dulcolax from CVS? Head out to Johnny Rockets at the Boulevard Mall – it’ll do the job for you.

            Though the ’50s-era music and old-timey feel of the restaurant are amusing, they don’t make the food taste any better. The burgers are bland, the fries are forgettable and they might as well point out the location of the nearest bathroom as soon as they set the chili hot dog down on your table.

            Sure, McDonald’s and Burger King are pretty awful – but at least they have the business sense to only charge a buck or two for a burger. Johnny Rockets charges up to $5 for some of its offerings.

            Then again, $5 is a pretty good deal for a stool softener.