A man's guide to a single Valentine's Day
Saturday will be my first Valentine’s Day being single in three years.
I’ve done my fair share of the whole ‘be a good boyfriend and make Valentine’s Day special for the girlfriend even though you could care less’ routine: planning out the day and spending more money than you have on flowers, jewelry and dinner.
All of the things a disorganized, poor, 20-year-old male college student doesn’t like to do.
But not this year.
Saturday is going be the first Valentine’s Day I spend alone since Feb. 14, 2011. I have no one to spend the day with this year. I have an entire day completely to myself.
But don’t feel bad for me. I’m still going to have a better day than most of you in relationships.
I’m going to be able to start my day the right way: sleeping until noon.
While the rest of you will be waking up far earlier than anyone should on a Saturday for a pleasant Valentine’s Day brunch or simply to prepare for the ‘Big Day,’ I’ll be catching up on some quality sleep time. Besides, who wants to be rudely woken up with a “Happy Valentine’s Day! I love you,” text? Not me.
Instead of putting on my best dress shirt, spending 30 minutes on my hair and heading out for said expensive brunch, I’ll whip up myself some eggs in my pajamas.
Another thing I won’t have to do Saturday: pick a girl up in my car.
Women deserve to be equal to men; so can we please get over this cliché that it’s the man’s job to pick the women up for dates? Gas prices may have dropped recently, but it’s Buffalo and the road conditions aren’t the best this time of year. Anyone else remember the Stampede lines last week?
A car is a person’s own private space. It’s an extension of yourself really. So why would I take time out of my day clean it out for another person? Am I really supposed to throw out month-old Tim Hortons cups, drive thru receipts and used gym clothes so a pretty girl has room to put her feet somewhere?
A romantic ice skate downtown by the waterfront sounds like a great way to spend Valentine’s Day, but instead I’ll stay inside my warm house watching college basketball or Netflix. Ice-skating is hard enough. You don’t need a girl dragging you along, insistent on holding hands while you’re barely managing to stay balanced.
I’ll be staying fit and watching my diet while you have to dig into a box of chocolates your significant other bought you. We all know most of the flavors are disgusting. Who wants to eat five gross pieces just to get to the flavor you really like anyway?
Speaking of gifts, I’m proud to announce there will be no $200 withdrawal from my checking account to Kay Jewelers this year. Someone should let them to know to stop sending me ads and coupons in the mail. I will not need them.
I’ll pay for just for one meal at dinner instead of two. I’ll be able to enjoy my food instead of having to listen to someone talk about their day and remembering to chew with my mouth closed.
Of course, everyone needs the company of another person at the end of the day. Even if we don’t admit it, we’re all searching for someone we can connect with and possibly be in a relationship with. I’m no different. I’m sure I’ll feel some loneliness by the time Saturday comes to end.
But that’s what Tinder is for.