"If the Bed is Rocking, Don't Come Knocking"
After a long day of classes, he finally gets back to his dorm on Friday afternoon only to find that his roommate's out-of-town girlfriend is staying the weekend. It doesn't seem like a big deal at first, but after a while the happy couple start cuddling and giggling and he feels the overwhelming need to leave the room. He grabs his backpack full of textbooks, hoping he didn't forget anything and heads to the library for yet another night of being sexiled.
Getting sexiled, or kicked out of the room or apartment due to sexual activity, is something that happens to many college students, especially while living with a roommate.
Casimir Mruccek, a freshman economics and mathematics major gets sexiled at least once a month and he has had enough. Even though Mruccek considers his roommate a close friend, he is continually caught off guard when his roommate fails to let him know when his girlfriend is visiting.
"I understand wanting to have sex," Mruccek said. "It's just that I am being forced out of my room. It is my room as well and I don't like giving it up especially for something as personal and private that should not interfere with my daily life."
Mruccek has thought about bringing up the subject and figuring out some type of compromise for those erotic weekends when his roommate's girlfriend comes to visit, but said that he knows his roommate too well and he would never be able to take a conversation like that seriously.
Instead, he acknowledges the social cues and excuses himself from the room when necessary. By the time he comes back from the library at around 5 a.m., the couple is usually asleep.
On one occasion Mruccek walked in on the couple lying in bed naked. He had sent his roommate a text informing him that he would be returning to the room and even though his roommate answered, they were still lying together when Mruccek got back.
A texting system seems to be the most popular form of communication among roommates when the room is needed for those R-rated activities, according to Stephen Denny, a freshman chemical engineering major.
"It's got to be the rudest f***ing thing to just randomly lock the door and sexile your roommate without any notice," Denny said. "Have the courtesy of just texting your roommate. If you really do have a weak relationship [with your roommate] then you shouldn't ever presume to ever be able to [sexile him]."
Denny got sexiled on the night of his roommate's birthday. He was given 48 hours notice to be "not present from the hours of 10 p.m. to 12 a.m." that evening. This formal request was respected and it gave him plenty of time to find somewhere else to be during those two hours, according to Denny.
"My relationship with my roommate isn't the best," Denny said. "It was nice to hear from him before it took place rather than just showing up to a locked door with a sock on the knob or something clich?(c) like that."
Some roommates aren't so polite.
For one UB student, who requested to remain anonymous, he took the risk of being sexiled whenever he left the room. After going to the bathroom, kitchen, or a friend's room, he would come back to a locked door - sexiled.
It got worse for him.
"[My roommate] also doesn't pick up on social cues," he said. "So when my girlfriend is over he would be sitting in the room oblivious and me and her would start cuddling under the covers and he would just kind of stay there."
Denny was very hesitant to bring up the topic with his roommate because they aren't exactly friends, but the conversation wasn't as awkward as he presumed it would be. Now, the pair sends texts to one another when they want the room for themselves.
Haley Vavoules, a freshman exercise science major, understands the need to reserve her dorm room since she and her boyfriend go to different schools and only see each other on rare occasions.
"I think people are just more understanding about being sexiled if you're in a long distance relationship because it's not like it happens every day or every week, it's probably only once or twice a month if that," Vavoules said.
She and her roommate have a texting system worked out as well and they have never come across any problems. Her roommate will send her a text, sometimes when Vavoules is still in the room with the couple, politely asking her to leave for an hour.
"Everyone wants to have their fun in college," Vavolus said. "I'm not trying to stop her. I hope she would do the same for me if I asked her."
Getting sexiled is something that is bound to happen to most college students who have a roommate. The key is communication and respect for the other people in the room as well as a fair warning or schedule, according to collegelife.about.com.